I Talk of This Because
by Shinigami 42-42-564
Summary: I met her in a hospital. Her name was Sakura Kinomoto. She’s the type of girl who sees everything as positive, the type of girl who always had her chin up, and the type of girl who would have lived to be one of the happiest girls in the world. ONESHOT


**Summary:** I met her in a hospital. Her name was Sakura Kinomoto. She's the type of girl who sees everything as positive, the type of girl who always had her chin up, and the type of girl who would have lived to be one of the happiest girls in the world.

**a/n: **This is a oneshot (my first oneshot) I've made in order to jingle my head a bit. Since school is going to end in a week for me, I wanted to post something up because it's been a while since I've updated my other stories. Also, I've just really been inspired to write this story here. So I hope you enjoy this oneshot, and pelase review!

**Genre:** Romance & Tragic  
**Disclaimer:** Man if only I did…  
**Rating:** 13 – language  
ONESHOT!!

**I Talk of This Because…  
**By: Shinigami 42-42-564

**The Day I Couldn't Remember**

I was seventeen and already drunk. A dropout twice from the same school. The first time when I was forced to and then the second time I willingly chose to. I didn't care. The girls were nothing; none of them were good looking, nevertheless hadn't even developed a womanly body yet. Pshh, some high schoolers.

Moving on. I didn't know what happened. I brought up an old habit at a buddies house one night I saw a girl—"shitface" I called her. I actually do know that I got slapped by her, but that was basically it. Drunken words really are spoken truth.

The next thing I did—that I could remember—was tying a rope around my neck and jumping off a one foot stool and stood with slack on the rope. I cried out, "damn!" and untied the rope from my neck. I bobbed my head around and stared at the empty house I was in. I smiled in some kind of glory for a moment, then saw a knife sticking out of a blur on the floor. I took the knife out and instantly a horrible thick liquid jipped in my mouth. I spat at it and laughed as the disgusted taste ran around my teeth.

Holding the knife in my hand . . . I died.

**Nice and Positive – the Girl I Never Thought Existed**

It was the third week I've been lying on my hospital bed just playing with the controls: moving my bed back, forward, up, down and to the sides. Sometimes it got boring, but it really was the only amusing thing I found around the room. Every day, a nurse would come in to check up on me. Blood pressure, heart rate, she did all that stuff.

"How are you doing today, Syaoran-kun?" she would say.

Usually I didn't give an answer, but today I did. "Anything new?" it wasn't necessarily an answer, but she could tell by my tone of voice that I was fine.

"Well in the east wing, there is a new girl—about your age—that was just brought in a couple days ago. She's staying somewhere over there . . . Kinomoto Sakura-chan I think her name was."

I stared out my window. My room was located in the west wing of the hospital for the east wing was right across from me. I looked through almost all the windows I could before losing track of which ones I've actually searched through.

Before the nurse left, she turned in between the door and said to me, "If you feel better, you can go visit her. She might need a friend while she's here." And left.

I did. Not because I wanted to, but because I was bored out of my mind and it was something 'new'. Walking through the hospital hallways, others would have seen me as a regular walk in visitor mainly because unlike everyone else who wore the hospital gowns, I wore a thin sweatshirt. It was winter, so I wanted to stay warm.

This winter was really inconsistent. When even the heaviest snowstorm zipped through, it would all melt away the very next day. So gladly, I was actually pleased to see snow on the ground for two weeks straight already.

"Kinomoto, Sakura-chan." I said to the nurse behind a counter in the east wing. She searched her name up on her computer and directed me.

When I got to the room. I softly knocked on the door; hard enough to make some sort of noise but at the same time soft enough to the point where no wouldn't be able to tell if it was just the wind or not. Nervously I shook my arms. I held one book in my hand but it was for Sakura herself.

"Can you take this to her?" the nurse on the east wing asked me.

It was a small book. But a small book with tiny words. The title of the book was, "Unheard Feelings" by an author I never even heard of.

When no one opened the door, I opened it myself. Slowly I pushed in and saw a girl with beautiful amber to light brown colored hair sitting on her hospital bed holding her blanket tightly up against her chest as if a strange killer had just walked in. She stared at me with a water fear in her eyes.

"Hey." I greeted.

"W—who are you?" she asked.

When she lowered her hands down to her lap, I took that as a sign that she felt a bit more comfortable around me and walked up to the foot of her bed.

I gave her the book. "Sakura-chan . . . right?" she nodded with a smile as she took the book. "I'm Syaoran."

**The Night We Snuck Out**

About four days later, our relationship grew quite rapidly. How? I don't know. It was one of those times where you don't realize that you're friends; and it was safer to feel that way rather than to ask. I remember back in the third grade I had asked someone if we were friends when we first met. He took it in an odd way and I can understand; it was sudden and he believed that we were and that it was unnecessary. Friends should know that you're friends without having to ask.

I stood in her room and stared out the window. The night was as pretty as any other, but from her view, I was able to finally see the moon and the mountain hills that was through the past town. I could see my room as I forgot to close my shades. My room was actually alright directly across from Sakura's room. If we wanted to, we could have communicated just by looking out the window.

"Have you ever been there?" I asked.

Sakura, who sat straight up on her bed gave me a confused look. "Been where?" she asked.

"There." I said. "On top of Memory Peek."

"Memory . . . Peak?" she repeated.

I didn't tell her, but it was known as Memory Peek because of the memories that people have made there. Whether it was bad or good, a memory was still a memory. My own memory was with my dad back when I was ten years old. I remember it well because it was the night he died. He wasn't the best dad . . . shit, he wasn't near the best dad. He got into drinking an binging so much, he got his license revoked so many times, and, even though I don't believe it was true, he's killed a man once. I don't want to say that I want to make a new memory at the peak, but certainly it couldn't hurt trying to replace the current one I hold.

"Yeah, so you wanna?"

"But—we aren't allowed to go out of the hospital." She nervously said. You could tell she was the goody-goody girl; didn't want to get in trouble—didn't want to get anyone else in trouble.

I walked to the door and held out my hand. "So, are you coming?"

She gave me a dirty look. And that was all she gave me before we made it to the bottom floor and left the hospital.

It was a hike, sure it was. All I had on was a sweatshirt, and Sakura had on the hospital PJ's with a light jacket we managed to find in her closet. The snow made it ten times hard to walk up the hill and I knew that Sakura wanted to go back when we were in the middle of the hike because she tugged back but made it seemed more like she slipped. I held her hand tightly, so we weren't going to go back anytime soon tonight.

When we reached the top of the mountain, I helped Sakura make her way to the end up the hill, which was guarded by a rail to protect anyone who fell from death. Swaying away from death, the view of Tomoeda was amazing. Lights were flashing like Christmas lights, all green, red, blue, and yellow. I could tell by the look on Sakura that she had never seen anything so beautiful in her life.

"When my dad brought me here," I started. "he was drunk. He said that he wanted to be drunk so he'd be able to tell me the truth."

"The truth?" Sakura repeated.

"Ever heard the line, 'drunken words are spoken truth'?" she shook her head as a snowflake fell on her nose.

"Are they really?"

"I believe so. But I never quite understood why he brought me here. All I know is that we had the best father-son time ever. And all we did was stare out at Tomoeda just like this."

"Your father must be a good man." She said.

I only laughed. "No way, he was nowhere near good, Sakura-chan. Even though I enjoyed that moment with him and loved the old man, he was nowhere near role model."

Sakura gave me a sarcastic look with her eyebrows pointing down. "You plan to come back up here with him again"?

"No."

"Why's that?"

"He's dead."

Sakura gasped like she had just seen something horrible. "I—I'm sorry."

I shook my head. "Being drunk can really ruin your life. But, this exact spot I'm standing . . . was where he fell . . . where his drunk-ass fell and died. I cried while he laughed during his fall . . . that was how drunk he was. That's why there's a guard rail here."

A moment later, Sakura held my hand with both of hers. I was the only one with gloves on, so I wasn't sure if her hands were just cold, or if she wanted to hold my hand to try and comfort me. Either way, I took her hands and stuffed them into my sweatshirt pocket.

"Do you think the last thing he remembered was spending his last moments with his son . . . or falling?"

That I couldn't answer. That I wanted to know. Maybe that's why he was drunk? He wanted to tell me how he felt before he died? What he thought before he died? He planned this all out? Before I was able to think any more, I felt my eyes start to weaken and shut. All I remember now was my wet knees and Sakura calling out my name.

"Syaoran-kun!" she cried.

**The Reason**

One day, about another week or so later, I met Sakura up on the hospital rooftops on a wonderful Saturday afternoon. The snow was halfway melted, the sun was out, and the weather was warm enough to the point where I didn't have to wear my sweatshirt . . . but I still did anyways.

We both stood at the edge of the rooftop and leaned on the railing. The view of Tomoeda wasn't the best or as good as it was on Memory Peak, but it was decent. Some of Tomoeda we were able to see, but others, especially the attractions, we weren't.

"Why haven't you asked?" Sakura said.

I only blinked as I tried to figure out what she was talking about. For a moment, questions ran through my head, questions that would have fit her question.

All I could do was shrug. "Ask what?"

"Why I'm here." She looked at me with the green eyes of an angel.

I could only shrug once again. "I guess I never really had a reason to ask."

She turned her body towards me and smiled. "Okay then, let me start: why are _you_ here?"

I gave myself a moment to think. "Well, to tell you the truth, I don't really know—or I don't remember at least."

"How could you not? Don't you ever ask?"

I shook my head. "No, I guess it never came to me."

"So you just one day woke up in this hospital and said to yourself, 'this is my new home!'?"

Sakura sounded like she was making fun of me, so all I did was laugh and scratch my head. "Well, all I remember was—"

**Hentai**

It was almost a month now since the day I met a girl named Kinomoto, Sakura-chan. I believe it was now almost two months since I've been in this hospital. I know almost the entire staff—those on my floor that is. Surprisingly, there were barely any men in this hospital. Once in a while, I'd see a man, but that man ended up just being a janitor.

The janitors were sick I can tell you that.

"Syaoran-kun." My nurse called me as I walked out of my room. I asked her what she wanted. "Can you send this to Tadanori's room?" She handed me three thick manga's. Two of them were doujins while the other one was full of hentai drawings.

"Tadanori-san?" I wanted to clarify. When she nodded, I only shook my head in disappointment. Here I always thought that Tadanori was the best janitor ever lived. He told jokes to patients and he always had a sense of humor when someone told jokes to him. You could never tell the difference between his forced laugh and his real laugh.

But now . . . I have lost all respect for him.

His room was towards the east wing, so that was where I headed. There was one janitor on each level of the hospital, so Tadanori was our one janitor. I mention this because I now wanted a new one. Who knows what the creeps been doing to the sleeping.

I looked down at one of the doujins I carried. The cover had a cute pink headed girl half naked on the cover. Just out of curiosity, I flipped to a random page. The page I flipped to wasn't anything interesting. No flashing boobs or any undeveloped vagina. As I turned into another random page near the end of the manga, it only got more graphic. This time the scene was about rape to the pink headed girl.

Of course.

It's always rape.

I'll admit, if there ever is a doujin that wasn't rape or incest . . . but just pure love. I'd actually read one. Not to get the wrong idea, but a guy, especially at the age of seventeen, is able to think about this isn't he? I sure think so.

When I closed the doujin, I found Sakura staring at me with half shocked eyes. I felt a blush run across the bottom of my nose. Now she would get the wrong idea and I wouldn't be able to explain things to her . . . not that she'd believe me anyways.

But even so, I tried.

"S—Sakura-chan!" I started. Then I went with the obvious, "It's not what you—it's not mine." Of course, talking with a nervous voice always made you seem like a liar; even a lie detector would call you a liar because of the amount of stress you'd be in.

She only gave me a blank stare—neither happy nor upset. "It's okay, I understand." She said, then spun around and walked away.

I didn't see her for the rest of the day. When I gave those perverted crap to Tadanori, I called him a pervert and slammed the door behind myself as hard as I can. After that, I immediately went to Sakura's room and tried to apologize, but she didn't answer. I knocked and called her name for maybe ten minutes, but she never answered.

That night, when my nurse asked me how my day went, I told her what had happened, and she only laughed hysterically like it was the funniest thing she has ever heard. I could only glare with the temptation of strangling her in me as I sat on my bed.

"That's not funny!" I yelled. But she continued to laugh. "Come on, you know it's not!"

"Wait 'till I tell this to the whole staff!" she blurted. Still, she laughed.

I waited for her to calm, which was surprisingly another ten minutes of laughing—it seemed like it at least. It almost came to the point where strangle really was an option, but I managed to hold it back. When she finally calmed, she took a sniff and wiped away a tear.

"So, how do you plan on apologizing to Sakura-chan?" she asked.

I told her that I tried and that I failed at doing so earlier. "What _should_ I do?"

"Well, if straight up apologizing didn't work, there are a few things you can do."

"What are they?"

"One: You can wait until it all blows over. I mean, no one knows how long it'll take, but that's always an opt—"

"Next!" I said.

"Two: You can always admit you—" she started to crack up again. Now it really started to irritate me. "—that you're a perv—"

"_Next_!" I yelled.

When she calmed once again, she glared at me with an evil smile—something was up. And I didn't know. Up until this point, I had never mentioned this to anyone or anything . . . ever!

Late afternoon the following day, I was sent to go pick up a package for Sakura-chan herself at the library. The package was sealed and wrapped in a brown box, so I didn't know what it was. By the time I got back to the hospital, the sky was night once again due to the winter.

I made my way up to Sakura-chan's room and knocked. This time, she opened with a big smile on her face. She grabbed the box from me and gestured me in with a finger. Her room was dimmed only by a small lamp by the feet of her bed and on a shelf by the head of her bed. She pounced on her bed and sat up.

I took a big breather and finally made it to her bed; I was nervous, I didn't know what my nurse planned or what I was going to go through.

"Sit." She told me and patted on the bed next to her. I took off my coat and tossed it across the room onto a hanger on the wall. I sat right next to her and watched as she opened the package.

I was shocked to see what she had unwrapped. Not only was I shocked, I was mesmerized, bewildered, really—really—really—I can't even find a word for it!

In her hands, she held a doujin manga. The one thing she hated me for was in her hands and she was the one who had it packaged up for her . . . no . . . what did my nurse and Sakura-chan talk about?

"I hate you." She said.

It made me even more confused. "S—sorry." I said.

"No, I really, _really_, hate you."

"I'm sorry." I repeated.

"But, I'm willing to forgive you, only if you do me one thing."

"What?"

"Your nurse and I were talking about you the other night. And she told me to try to understand you."

"Understand me?"

She nodded. Then tossed the doujin onto my lap and got into her bed and wrapped herself up on the blanket. It was as if I had to read her a bedtime story.

"You're going to read me the doujin so I can understand why you like them."

My eyes widened. This really was the most stupid thing I have ever heard of. "Listen, you really took this the wrong way yesterday."

"So you won't read it to me?" she asked in a cute and emotional tone.

I shook my head. "Sakura-chan, I _don't_ read these!"

She made a little _hmph_ sound and turned away. "Then I will always, always, always hate you! The number one person I hate! _Pervert_!"

I sighed and slapped my head. There was nothing else I could have done. "Alright! Fine, I'll read you this."

She smiled and snuggled herself into a comforting position. Before I began to read, she stopped me. "One more thing; who's the main character?" she asked.

I skimmed through the first page and found her. "Utada, Reika." I answered.

"And who's the rapist?"

I shrugged. "Probably won't appear until we get to the climax."

Sakura bobbed her head and stared off to the side as if to think of more questions—dumb questions to ask me. "Alright then." She finally said. "You can start, _but_, you have to replace their names."

I blinked. "With what?"

"Utada Reika-chan will be Kinomoto Sakura from now on, and the rapist will be Li Syaoran."

"What?" I screamed. "Are you serious?"

"A perverted person who reads a perverted book must be the main perverted character."

"Perverted?" I wanted to scream, 'you're the one who wants me to read this!' but I didn't. I only shook my head and began reading under the grueling circumstances. "'Papa!' Rei—Sakura-chan said—"

**The Frozen Christmas Present – Part 1**

Usually I'd ask someone what they like for Christmas, then if it was within my budget; I'd get it for them. It wasn't much of a surprise, but at least they were happy. I remember getting my cousin, Meilin, a teddy bear that she'd wanted for the longest time. She had the happiest hour of her life before losing it under the frozen river. Oh she cried and cried and begged for someone to go and get it. But Kero-chan just never came back.

I remember the day before Christmas Eve; I asked Sakura-chan what she wanted for Christmas. She only shrugged and said she didn't know. When she said it though, she was in a hurry and pushed me out of her room. Maybe she had a period? I always thought. Girls can get moody at times. She's been acting this way for almost four days. It really started to get irritating because I was left being bored for those days.

"Rahhh!" I yelled from my room.

That was how bored I was.

**Boyfriend**

I had a nice chat with Sakura-chan on the roof. The roof started to become out little meeting spot where we were able to be together and just talk about things when it wasn't so cold out. But this chat was the most fun one—only because I got to know something so surprising about her.

"—alright so when was your first kiss then?"

Sakura hesitated to answer. She only down at the snowy entrance of the hospital. She played with her fingers and stared off to the side for a moment. I smiled and crossed my arms, waited a few more seconds, then began:

"You never kissed anyone, right?"

"W—well . . .—"

"Aww—Sakura-chan has _never_ kissed anyone before!"

She cleared her throat. Her face was deep red. I could tell that she felt hot instead of cold from the winder breeze. "Well, I stayed single for most of my life."

"Well, who was your last boyfriend?" I asked.

She stared at me with frantic eyes. Her answer was an answer too embarrassing to tell. She didn't want to tell me. I didn't know why. I wasn't bragging or anything, but this only told me that she had high self esteem. Though she didn't say it, she said something like, "For a girl as cute and beautiful an me, I'm hurt to say that my last boyfriend was back in grade school."

When she finally blurted out, her answer was some kid named Eriol from back in the fifth graded.

"Aww." Was all I could say as I gave her a sly pitiful smile.

**The Line between Friends and Lovers**

There's a fine line that mustn't be crossed when you're talking about a close friend of the opposite sex here. I remember having two friends that were very close—too close actually. For anyone who's only seen then once, they would get the assumption that they were dating, but they weren't. Vincento-kun and Ariye-chan was their names.

Ariye-chan already had a boyfriend, but Vincento-kun had stray feelings for her. He knew that he was crossing the line, but didn't want to. Everytime he'd be with her, his heart would throb and he always felt that they were meant to be. The truth was, they really _were_ meant to be. But, they were meant to _be_ behind the line of lovers.

**The Frozen Christmas Present – Part 2**

On Christmas day, the nurses and staff let everyone do whatever they wished. Early afternoon, Sakura-chan and I walked out to a small frozen pond behind the hospital. I brought a couple pairs of ice skates while she brought a box wrapped in Christmas wrappings.

We sat down and switched shoes with the skates. She told me she didn't know how to skate, but I told her not to worry about it. "You'll learn." I said.

I held her hand and slid out onto the middle of the pond. Slowly, I showed her baby steps, and just like that, within ten minutes, she was off skating by herself already with the box tightly around her chest.

"I'm doing it Syaoran-kun, I'm doing it!" I remember that she fell right there and I laughed.

"You'll get better." I told her as I helped her back up to her feet. "Just keep practicing."

Surprisingly, practice was all she did for the next hour. She wasn't like me where I gave up the first half hour and had to relearn everything a week later.

When she slipped and fell on a snow bench, I helped her back up once again. I was suggesting that we head back inside and get something warm to drink, but before I was able to get off the frozen pond, she called my name. I met her in the middle and only stared as her emerald eyes glistered with the white snowy background.

"S—Syaoran-kun . . ." I knew that I wasn't supposed to say anything at this moment, so I didn't. "Can I change my answer?"

"Answer for what?" I said.

"About my last boyfriend."

"Well, do you remember who else you dated?"

"Well . . ." she unwrapped her present and opened the box. It was a knitted scarf that she pulled out. Now I understood why she pushed me out of her room for five days. It was because she was knitting me a scarf . . . a present. She swung it around the back of my neck and clung onto the ends. "I hope he was—_is_ . . . my boyfriend . . ."

"You mean, you're not sure if he was? Who was he?"

That was how dense I was. Up until the split second after I said that line to her, I never realized that "is" was such a big word in that sentence. I felt stupid, like I had just ruined the entire scene. But surprisingly, I wasn't the only dense one because it continued smoothly.

She nodded. "_You_."

It was too bad she glared down at our feet the whole time because she missed the biggest smile of my life. I lifted her chin with a finger so that she'd stare up at me. A streak of red blush ran across the top of her nose, which made her look even prettier with the snowy background.

"Does that mean I can take your first?" I asked.

"Please . . . take it."

I kissed her on the lips. I could tell from the instant my mouth met hers, she wasn't in a panic, but she was afraid that she was doing something wrong, like as if there was a 'right' way to kiss another being. Some may believe there is a right way, but a kiss is a kiss, nothing more—something one person shares with another to express an emotional feeling that can't be explained.

**Still Here**

Late March, and I found myself still in the hospital. I wasn't sure why I was still there, but I really didn't want to leave . . . not without Sakura-chan at least. We spent each and every day with each other. We held hands throughout the hallways, the late nights in each other's rooms before having to be forced to go back to our own.

It was amazing. But I still can't help the fact that I was still here. And I never really knew the answer to why she was here as well. But the reality was . . . we were _still_ here.

Quickly, I ran into my room and shoved myself into bed. Sweats ran down my forehead as my heart was throbbing fast. I took a deep breath to try and calm it down, but it took half a minute to do so. Running down the hall from the east wing to the west could be very tiring.

When my nurse entered my room, I stayed composed, as if nothing ever happened. Then, I just had to ask:

"Why is . . . Sakura-chan here?" I asked.

"Oh, no one ever told you?"

"Well, I never really quite asked anyone. I mean, I guess we had a conversation about this back when we first met but . . . we never really went into why she's here."

"Oh dear." My nurse said with a saddened voice.

"What? What is it?" I asked. But she only shook her head and left. I remembered her face right before she left my room. It looked like she had just gotten stung by a bee, her face swelled to twice its normal size and turned as red as a red balloon.

**Zoo**

We went to the zoo one day with permission from the staff. But we had to go through hell in order to do so. First was the examination. We had to get a check-up which lasted almost twenty minutes each. There was more, that I don't want to get too specific with those.

The Zoo we went to wasn't the most expensive or fanciest that Tomoeda had, but the animals were actually lively for the beginning of spring. There were still some left over snow on the ground, but a step would disperse it immediately.

First, of course, we went to go see the monkeys. But as they flung cold hard pieces of shits at us, we had to run for our lives. Then after Sakura-chan mentioned that he had never had cotton candy before, I used the money that my nurse gave me and bought her a bag. We shared the bag, and Sakura-chan gave a "hoe!" as she was surprised the candy melted so fast.

"Don't worry, it's supposed to do that." I told her. We finished the bag in no time.

Next was a small Popsicle, but that didn't last long. Sakura-chan ended up dropping it over the tiger pin. I was really thinking about getting it, but even if I did manage to survive the chase, it'd be dirty anyways. Also, Sakura-chan gave me a "please don't do it" type of look.

We held hands throughout the trip around the zoo.

**A Heart-Broken Promise**

I was always a man of my words, and I really couldn't remember a promise that I had broken. So this was my first.

Before I left Sakura's room one late night, she had just finished one of her many books of her favorite series.

"Syaoran-kun." She said to me. "Can you pick me up the next volume tomorrow? It's the last finale."

I couldn't refuse, I wouldn't refuse. After a hard dry cough erupted from her, I said, "Of course." I gave her a goodnight kiss on the forehead and tucked her into her bed.

I would later on find out that this was a broken promise.

**Laser Pens**

Back after the zoo I had used the rest of our money on these laser pens. For a cheap amount of money, they were actually pretty strong. That night when we returned back to our beds, we shined the laser into each other's room. It was difficult to see where we were pointing because our rooms were so far apart, but we were sure having fun.

The next morning, I remember running to her room with my laser pen in hand and crashing through her door. She ran towards me and jumped as I grabbed her and she wrapped her arms around my neck. We shared another romantic kiss.

**No Heart**

I remember something . . . it was a talk between two nurse that I ended up accidentally eavesdropping on. I didn't catch their whole conversation, but I did manage this:

"—what happened to it?

"I don't know, they said they lost it."

"How do you manage to lose a heart?"

"That's what I was saying!"

"Poor thing . . ."

"This was what makes life so unfair, sometimes we have to leave things to other people and when they mess up, a life is broken because of them!"

"Are they going to get another one?"

"They're trying at the moment, but it has to be the 'right' one."

"I know, but they are trying at least right?"

'I hope it's not too late."

". . ."

"No—you don't really think—do you?"

"I don't know . . . I just don't know . . . I mean, he'll be so hurt, both of their time here is coming near an end."

"Is someone there?"

I sprinted back to my room.

**A Visit**

Surprisingly, my first visit came extremely late. What wasn't surprisingly was that it was from Yamazaki-san, one of the most annoying shitfaces you'll see. Sure, a dear friend, but total shitface at the same time.

"Yo!" he greeted as he entered. "I got some stories to tell you!"

"Not now, Yamazaki-san." I said staring out my window into Sakura's. I could see that she was reading. She was actually almost done with the book. I wouldn't be surprised if she finished within the next week at the most.

"Who are you looking at?"

"No one." I said and closed my shades.

When I crawled back into my bed, I slammed my head hard on the pillow, wondering if he really _was_ here. _Shitface_, I thought.

"So, you're almost eighteen . . . another week right?" he started.

"So?"

"So? What do you mean so?"

"I mean, so? I'll be eighteen, what does that mean?"

Yamazaki shook his head. "Syaoran-kun, you really don't remember do you?"

I sat up, curious at his question. "Remember what?"

He only sighed. "Well, since you don't remember, there really isn't a sense in telling you. I'll just let you enjoy your last couple weeks here with _her_."

"What? No, wait—"

He already left.

**Her Next Book**

I just left the library and checked out Sakura's next book, her last book—the finale. It was a bit cooler than usual, but I was able to just go out with my sweatshirt without a problem. When I got back to the hospital, near the entrance was an ambulance. Three medic people were rolling a dead body that was zipped within a black bag into the ambulance. "Another one?" I said to myself.

It wasn't unusual to see dead people to me. I mean, I've lived in a hospital for almost half a year here. So whether it was through my window or live, I saw a dead person in a black bag almost once a week. Sure, it was sad, but like how medics and doctors handle it, I just had to handle it.

When I got into the elevator, I pressed our floor. If I haven't told you yet, it was the eleventh floor we were on. When the doors opened, I held the book in one hand tightly. The nurses around me were more quiet than usual. The hallway seemed more like a ghost town than noisy women talking on the phone or trying to help patients.

As I got to the east wing, I opened up Sakura's door.

"I have—"

I froze. When I took another look at her room, it wasn't her sitting in her bed, but someone else; a fat disgusted bald guy who laid down like he owned the bed.

"Who are you?" I shouted.

"Get outa here kid, I'm trying to sleep here." He said.

Then . . . everything came together. A tear fell from my left eye, then two tear fell from my right. I dropped the book in my hand and thought about what did make sense and what didn't make sense.

"Sakura-_chan_!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. I turned around and sprinted towards the nearest elevator on the east wing side. I pressed the down button rapidly, as if it the doors would open up after if I did. But they never did. "Fuck, no!" I shouted. I took the stairs right next to the elevator.

Down eight floors before I fell, then I managed to make it out on the first floor. I found my way to the main entrance to where I first saw the ambulance. I caught it just as it left the hospitals roundabout.

"Sakura-chan!" I chased after it. But before I could get to the doors, my nurse held me back and forced me to fall to my knees. She held me tight around my chest and my neck, not letting me go even though I felt the strongest. "She needed a new heart!" I cried. "Where was it? She needed that new heart! Where the _fuck_ is it? She needed the new heart!"

"I'm sorry Syaoran-kun . . ." my nurse sobbed. Now, I had tears rolling heavily down my face like a waterfall. "I'm sorry." She repeated.

But the only thing I could repeat was, "She needed a new heart! She needed a new heart! Where's that _fucking_ heart?"

"I'm sorry Syaoran-kun!"

"_No_!" I echoed it into the hallways, out the door, into the ears of others . . . throughout the entire world. Everyone heard my scream, even the dead.

**Reality**

When the prison guards uncuffed me and shoved me into a prison cell, it all became clear now. It was the thing I couldn't remember, the reason why I was at the hospital to begin with. That knife I pulled . . . it wasn't just any blur on the floor . . . but a body. That was the nasty juice I tasted when I pulled the knife out . . . blood.

I killed someone. And because I was an alcoholic and seventeen, they put me in that hospital so I could be rehabilitated there. They waited until my birthday, the day I turned eighteen, a few days after _her_ death, to bring me to prison . . .

**I Talk of This Because…**

I talk of this because I was the person who didn't think that one person could change your life. Even now, one year out of prison, eleven years since I met a girl named Kinomoto Sakura-chan, my life was changed by her—that one person.

I still hold the book she didn't read in my hands, next to me when I sleep, next to me when I eat, everywhere. I have it with me because I love her. I have it with me because I can bring her to life by writing about the thing she didn't do and could've done: live the happiest life ever.

"Are you writing about me?" she'd ask.

"I sure am." I answered.

"Did you kill me off again?"

I nodded. "Remember this?" I showed her the book that she didn't get to read.

"I do."

"You made me break my first promise ever . . . I don't think I can ever forgive you for that."

She wrapped her arms around me and said, "Hmm, maybe you can read it for me, you should like it, it was a really good series." With that, she disappeared from my mind and from behind me.

I opened the book up to the first page. I cocked my head to the side and blinked several times at the confusion that now struck me.

"—the book left unread." Was all it said. I flipped through the other pages up to the very last page. It was blank. I smiled, threw the book on my desk and grabbed my laser pen. I pointed the laser at the wall and thought for a moment. That moment was all I need.

It was all I needed to realize that I didn't break any promises. "You already read it! Sakura-chan!" it was only another reason to love her even more. As a tear trickled down my face, I knew what I had to do, I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to be with her. I wanted desperately so to do so.

So I—

* * *

**About 12 pages if you were wondering.  
I hope you liked it.  
And please review me your thoughts.**


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